Week one

And here we are, a week later! Mateo is doing wonderfully at home-

Our week has been a little crazy. Not only getting used to the sleep deprivation, BF a newborn and looking after a pre-schooler but I have also had an infection to deal with, which has made life that little bit more painful. It really has been a week filled with roller coaster filled emotions.

I also have to say, I didn't realize how hard it would be for me to not project onto Mateo all the issues that Jaime still had when he came home.   For example eating and weight, Mateo loves eating and is gaining weight very well.  According to his weight on Wednesday he was up 1.5 ounces (50 grams)from his discharge weight of 6.14 (3.12kg).  He wakes up mostly every 2-4 hrs for a feed and is hungry when he wakes.  With Jaime, food and weight gain was a constant source of stress and anxiety, for the first 3 years of his little life it was a struggle.  Ili has to remind me, that Mateo is not Jaime, he is a full term, healthy big boy and does not have that same issues and complications. 

I didn't anticipate that having a "normal" baby would bring up all the "pre-term" emotions again, and of course, there is nothing I can do to change it, but I am immensely grateful to have gone through a "normal" pregnancy with a "normal" delivery and that I was able to work through these emotions and heal.    In a way, I am grateful that I had Jaime first, as it made me focus now on all the little moments that make the miracle of having a baby a beautiful and special event.
 

For example: Jaime got to hold Mateo right away- and it made all my dreams of him getting to meet his little brother come true.  While in theater, I got to watch them weigh, clean and assess Mateo without the constant fear of them delivering bad news.  Mateo was brought to me straight away, I got to touch, smell and kiss my boy minutes after birth.  Going into recovery this time round was an exciting event, Ili got to walk out with our baby boy straight to recovery to meet our family vs walking the long walk to the white sterile NICU and walk away to meet the familia.  I got to recover with my boy right there, I could not feel my legs but I got to experience skin to skin, just like its supposed to be.  My hospital stay was completely different, my hours were spent staring at my boy, touching and soaking him in vs walking across the hospital to visit my boy.  Leaving the hospital this time round was an exciting, nervous event vs packing my bags and driving away hoping and praying that the people watching over my boy are guided by the grace of God and that he would be looked after.

Having said that, I just am in awe on how lucky we were and how blessed we are to have 2 beautiful little miracles under my mother hen wings, and yes I am the luckiest mother hen ever!

 I am also extremely lucky to have the support from my dearest husband and mother.  They have been working to the bone washing (Mateo has a change of clothes at least 4-5 times a day due to spit up's and pee & poop leaks), cleaning, cooking and watching Jaime.  My Ili tries so hard to make life easier even after putting in a full shift at work.  My mother, well she does what mothers do, questions every move I make and then some, cleans and cooks till her bones hurt and still has enough energy to watch Jaime and burp Mateo.

We are also so thankful for the amazing doctors and nurses taking care of us, and for the love and support and prayers of all of our family and friends.

And so this is our week:
 

Mateo's new sleeping quarters

Quite roomy and comfortable..fyi the bib was removed after the photo shoot

  Jaime has been extremely accepting of my time with Mateo and has even organised his little life to accommodate our new lives.

He brought his colour pages and markers up to the bedroom, made himself a little table with the changing pad and entertained himself in my bed all while I was feeding and settling Mateo.

I just love holding and cuddling with my boys, just soaking them in inch by inch!
Again, I'm the luckiest mother hen!